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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28433364">words aren't enough</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/miramiro/pseuds/miramiro'>miramiro</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten is Whipped, Falling In Love, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Qian Kun is Whipped, Romantic Fluff, hints of angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:15:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,273</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28433364</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/miramiro/pseuds/miramiro</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><em>"I love you.</em><br/> <br/><em>For all the power these three measly words hold, they aren’t enough to tell you the depth of my feelings for you. Please give me a chance to show you, instead."</em></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>114</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>words aren't enough</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Kun, you darling angel of a human—may you have everything you desire and more. Happy Birthday.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Kun, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I thought long and hard about how to address you. ‘Dear’ sounded too formal, too mundane. ‘Darling’ felt too forward. I know you must think it strange that I hesitated over so innocent a word—me. Ten. Chittaphon. But I did not wish to take the liberty of addressing you so intimately. So a simple ‘Kun’ it is, even though you are anything but.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I know by now you must be frowning; I understand how strange it must be for you to read this letter in the first place, but I implore you to bear with me, indulge me, even. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I have no faith in my writing abilities, so I am going to do the only thing I can trust myself to do well: tell the truth.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> The first time I noticed you, Kun, was at Sicheng’s Halloween party. I say ‘noticed’ because before the party I had only seen you in classes and around the campus. And—I am ashamed to confess—I’d dismissed you as someone whose existence would be of no consequence to me in the grand scheme of things outside of University that is life. Forgive me, for I was wrong.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I was so wrong, Kun. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> There you were, dressed as Snow White, basking in the attention you were receiving, and bestowing tiny, pretty smiles on everyone who complimented you—and I remember thinking: how dare he look so good wearing only primary colours.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I don’t know if you remember, but I was dressed as Alice; coy, flirty, and absolutely stunning. All eyes were supposed to be on me that night. I’d made sure they would be, and yet, they weren’t. They were on you. You, whom I hadn’t given a second thought to, had upstaged me. And I couldn’t even complain because there I was, on the periphery of your crowd of admirers, hoping, like a man starved, that you would throw a smile my way as well. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And you did: a shy little curl of your lips, two perfect dimples dipping in your cheeks softly.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I felt hatred like never before, then. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Not only had you stolen my thunder, but—as the horrifying realization dawned upon me—also my heart. And yet, I could still hear the phantom pounding of the organ in my ears. It was torture. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> After that night, all I wanted to see was you; all I saw was you.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It was distracting, to say the least. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> As if nearly failing my classes because of you wasn’t enough, it was you who offered to help me study and get my grades up. I imagine this is what eternal hell must be like. But I never imagined someone as kind as you could be so cruel. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Having to concentrate on what you were teaching me when all I wanted to do was concentrate on the way your mouth formed words and note which vowel or consonant made the dimples appear? It was agony. And you would keep worrying your lower lip unconsciously, bruising it, paying no heed to what it did to me; unaware of how fiercely I had to crush my desire to kiss your lip better. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You always chose the table near the window: said the sunlight made you happy to be alive; to be able to feel the warmth on your skin. Did you know? The sunlight would give your blonde curls a hazy glow, like a halo. Your skin looked like it was lit up from the inside: as if your heart were pumping blood the colour of gold.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I would have happily gone down on my knees for you, worshipping you in every way you deserve to be worshipped. And yet, it felt like a sin, feeling what I felt: hating you for making me love you so. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And it was love; not simply attraction, not simply infatuation—love. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I grew to love everything about you; everything that made you, you.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I loved that I could rile you up so easily, and yet, you could still keep up with my sharp tongue, giving back as good as you got. I loved how you could soothe all my hurts with a look, a word, a hug. I loved how you saw me for me—good, bad, and ugly—and expected nothing out of the ordinary from me, even though I would do anything for you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I loved you at your strongest, I loved you at your weakest. I loved you for everything you said and did, and for everything you didn’t.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I loved you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Madly, truly, quietly. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Quietly, I watched you dance in the club that night, under the dizzying strobe lights, your hair falling into your eyes, your mouth split open in the widest grin, while I danced around you. Quietly, I watched you catch the eye of the boy who made you his for six harrowing months—I wouldn’t want to sully my letter with his name—you know whom. Quietly, I watched you, day after day after day, loving him, letting him break your heart. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Isn’t that the stupidest cliché of them all? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I grew to hate myself, even more than I loved you. I hated myself for feeling triumphant when you cried in my arms because of him. I hated myself when you told me you’d broken up with him and all I could think of was kissing you so you would forget all about him. I hated myself for wanting to scream at you for not choosing me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But how could you? How could you choose me when you never knew I was an option? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kun. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kun, Kun, Kun.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’ve envied you, and admired you, wished I’d never come to know you, and thanked all my lucky stars that I did. I’ve reveled in the sweet pain of pining for you and suffered the sour happiness of having you in my arms.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> That’s why I’m writing this to you. To tell you that I have felt everything for you that one can humanly feel, and that out of all of those feelings, only one reigned supreme: love. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I love you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> For all the power these three measly words hold, they aren’t enough to tell you the depth of my feelings for you. Please give me a chance to show you, instead. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to take advantage of your heartbreak. I just want for you to be happy, and I harbour the hope that someday, it can be with me.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I can make you happy, Kun. I know I can. But only if you’ll let me.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Please let me. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Yours, if you’ll have me. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>♡ ♡ ♡</p><p> </p><p>Despite the early winter morning chill nipping at him through his light cardigan and silk pajamas, Kun feels warm to the core. Seated on the carpeted floor, he runs his eyes over the inked words, quickly once, and then slowly, steadily. The shape of the words, the weight of the feelings they carry; Kun savours it all.</p><p>So engrossed is he, he doesn’t notice the padding of feet coming closer until a blanket is draped over his shoulder and a lithe body fits itself against his side, the warmth of the naked torso coupled with the blanket making Kun feel as if he is next to a furnace. </p><p>“Why’re you up so early?” Kun asks, turning fond eyes on his boyfriend.</p><p>“Mm,” Ten murmurs, burying his face in Kun’s shoulder and pressing a kiss to it. He works his way up to Kun’s ear, leaving a trail of warm, sleepy kisses that make Kun’s skin tingle, and croons in his ear, “It’s cold.”</p><p>“Go back to bed, then,” Kun replies, unable to keep the smile off of his face.</p><p>“Only if you come with me, birthday boy,” Ten retorts, a hint of mischievousness in his voice now that he’s a little more awake. “Or we could fuck here if you like. Just need to turn the heat up.”</p><p>Kun smiles helplessly, endeared by his boyfriend’s willingness to cater to his wishes, despite the lascivious nature of Ten’s statement. Their lips meet halfway in a kiss. Desire simmering in their veins, they kiss harshly, breaking the kiss multiple times to let their hot breaths mingle before diving in again and again and again.</p><p>Ten leans his weight on to Kun, pressing him back into the floor and covering his body with his own. There is a dry rustle and Kun’s eyes fly open. “The letter,” he breathes against Ten’s mouth, making him pull back with a confused, “What?”</p><p>“This,” Kun says, eyes hooded as he covers his smile with the letter, holding it up for Ten to see. Ten’s eyes widen. He sits back on the floor, cheeks heating up.</p><p>“Fuck, where’d you find this?”</p><p>Kun frowns at his tone and sits up as well. “It was lying here,” he says, pointing at the box. Ten looks at the box. Full of University memorabilia, it’s one of the boxes Ten has brought to Kun’s apartment from his own. It’s also one of the many boxes he’s yet to unpack, having moved in only a week ago to spend Christmas with his boyfriend in <em> their </em> apartment.</p><p>“Ten, what’s wrong?” Kun asks, immediately concerned at his boyfriend’s silence.</p><p>“Did you read it?” Ten asks, not meeting eyes with Kun.</p><p>“Yes, I did,” Kun says and Ten mutters a “Fuck!” to himself.</p><p>“Baby, what’s wrong?” Kun asks, cupping Ten’s cheek even though he refuses to look at Kun. </p><p>“I didn’t want you to read it. Ever,” Ten mumbles.</p><p>“But why?” Kun frowns. </p><p>“Because it’s—terrible. That’s why I didn’t give it to you. I read over it and I just—sounded so selfish. I was just thinking about myself when I wrote it, and not about you,” Ten says, and presses a kiss to Kun’s palm before finally meeting eyes with Kun. “I’m sorry,” he breathes.</p><p>“Tennie,” Kun says, fond exasperation colouring his tone. “Why are you apologizing? You were being honest, and you know that’s what I love about you.”</p><p>“But it’s so. Pretentious,” Ten grouses. “I should never have kept it, ugh.”</p><p>“It’s not,” Kun insists. “Well, maybe a little, but I love it, Ten. It’s beautiful.” He smiles his shy smile with the dimples. “I’m glad I got to read it, even if it reached me a few years later than it was intended to.”</p><p>“Really? You don’t think it’s terrible?” Ten asks, toppling over and burying his face in Kun’s chest, smiling in contentment when he feels arms wrapping around him.</p><p>“Now you’re just fishing for compliments,” Kun laughs, pressing a kiss to Ten’s fluffy bedhead. </p><p>“Mm,” Ten hums, raising his head and snaking his arm around Kun’s neck to bring him closer. “I could fish for other things, you know.” Kun laughs but indulges Ten as he presses kisses all over Kun’s face, paying special attention to his dimples before he captures Kun’s lips for a series of kisses that grow increasingly needier.</p><p>A loud rustling coming from inside the box makes them break apart. There’s scratching against the inside of the cardboard and suddenly, Louis pops his head out amongst the paraphernalia stuffed in the box. He leaps out, intending to scamper past them, but Ten grabs him and immediately cradles him in his arms.</p><p>“Naughty boy, so you’re the one who gave Daddy’s embarrassing secret away, huh?” Ten coos, nuzzling his son’s furry forehead. Kun’s heart melts like it always does when he sees Ten with Louis.</p><p>“Here, wish Baba a happy birthday!” Ten grins, holding Louis up to Kun’s face. Louis meows and rubs his head against Kun’s chin and cheek, making Kun giggle and pull Louis into his arms to smack kisses to his little face. Louis bears with it for a good 10 seconds before he twists his body and escapes Kun’s hold. </p><p>Ten and Kun watch their child trot away with his tail up in the air, swishing it gently. Ten sighs and fits himself in Kun’s arms again. “I think it’s time we got Louis a sibling,” he states. Kun snorts as he wraps the blanket around them and holds Ten close.</p><p>“I’m serious,” Ten insists. “I want another baby,” he tugs Kun closer to whisper in his ear. </p><p>Kun shakes with mirth and bursts out laughing on seeing the pout on Ten’s face. “This really isn’t as sexy as you think it is, Ten, knowing you’re talking about adopting another cat.”</p><p>Ten groans. “Today really isn’t my day, huh?”</p><p>“Of course it isn’t,” Kun huffs good-naturedly. “It’s mine. Why are you making demands of me when it should be the other way round?”</p><p>“You’re right, darling,” Ten agrees. “I’ll just get <em> you </em> another cat. After all, what’s yours is mine, isn’t it?”</p><p>“You’re devious,” Kun observes fondly, pressing a kiss to Ten’s brow. “I love that about you.”</p><p>“And I love you,” Ten murmurs, voice soft and intimate. He leans in for another kiss but Kun pulls away. “You said you want to <em> show </em>me. In your letter,” he tells Ten, voice lilting. </p><p>“I do,” Ten says, pecking Kun’s lips once before standing up. “And I will,” he adds, eyes hooded, holding out a hand for Kun to take.</p><p>Kun does.</p><p>He takes Ten’s hand and lets Ten lead him to their bedroom, just like he took Ten’s hand and let Ten lead him to an alcove all those years ago where he confessed to Kun. Just like he knows he’ll take Ten’s hand and let him lead them whenever and wherever.</p><p>Even to the ends of the earth; right until the end of their days.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Starting 2021 feeling ??? about my writing. But, oh well.<br/>To everyone reading this, may the new year be kind to you, and may you be kind to others.</p><p>My <a href="https://mobile.twitter.com/gummieistrying">twt</a>; my <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/gummieistrying">cc</a>. Come talk to me!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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